Another outfit post and another random ramble that’s popped into my head this week. These past few weeks have been a bit tough for me, I’ve struggled to keep my positive mentality as the idea of graduating and getting an actual job comes ever closer. I’ve got deadlines, a pretty full calendar, and countless job applications to handle. A lot of my friends at uni have secured their grad jobs already leading me to feel pressured and worried about what the future holds for me.
A trip back home to see my mum, mums make everything better, and I figured out just what was bothering me. I know too well that things will work out, they always do, and I know deep down even if I don’t find myself in the perfect grad job straight away, I know I will find my way eventually. I’ll end up exactly where I was supposed to be all along and all this worrying will seem like a total waste of time.
Still, that doesn’t stop me from worrying. It’s natural to worry – it shows I care. But the real reason why I’ve been in such a shitty frame of mind? I like to be in control.
I’ve learnt something new about myself through all of this. I’m a control freak, and that’s ok. The idea of having no idea where I’ll be in a few months time unsettles me massively. I have no idea what job I’ll be doing – will it be an actual grad job I enjoy or will it be something just to pay the bills? Will I be at home in Ipswich? Or will I be living away from home? There’s so much unknown territory and it doesn’t sit well with me.
Nonetheless, I think it’s a good thing. I’ve realised what’s truly at the root of the problem and it’s helped me get over it. Since figuring out that the real reason I’ve been so glum is that I’m a bit of a control freak, I’ve felt 100 times better. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, right?
On another note, I hope you enjoyed the glorious weather we had over the weekend. How perfect was it?! Jamie and I enjoyed every minute of it, here’s hoping it’s here to stay!
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